Sure is quiet.....

[JD]

A man was on the water for his weekly fishing trip. He began his day with an 8 pound Trout on the first cast and a 7 pounder on the second. On the third cast he had just caught his biggest ever Trout, over 9 pounds, when his cell phone rang.

It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was, and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best day ever day of fishing.

He decided to get in a couple of more casts before heading to the hospital. He ended up fishing the rest of the morning, finishing his trip with a stringer like he'd never seen, with 6 Trout over 9 pounds. He was jubilant.

Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty, he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.

The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your @!%$# fishing trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself, your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished fishing, because it will likely be the last trip you ever take! For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock care. And you'll be her care giver, FOREVER!"

The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed uncontrollably.

Then doctor chuckled and said to him, "I'm just pulling your leg. She's dead. What'd you catch?"

[Zane]

NO Comment LMAO :D :D :D

[JD]

Four married guys go fishing. After an few hours of fishing, the following conversation took place:

First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I'll build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I'll remodel the kitchen for her."

They continued to fish when they realized the fourth guy had not said a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"

Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 AM. When it went off, I shut off the alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, 'Fishing or sex' and she said, "'Wear a sweater.'"

[Howard/Jax]

Two Guys from the NYC Garment Center meet on the street. The first says "I was fishing off the West Coast of Florida and caught a 200 lb Herring". The second says "I was fishing off the East Coast of Florida and had something very heavy on my line that took me an hour to bring to the boat. When I got it up, believe it or not, it was a lantern with the inscription Santa Maria 1492 and would you believe the candle was still burning?" The first Guy turns to his friend and said " Bullsh*t!!, Tell you what, I will take 197 lbs off the Herring, you blow out the candle"

[Jesse]

Oldies and goldies:

One man's passion was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or
lake, paying no attention to weather.

One Sunday early in the morning, he went out to the garage and got in his truck and as it was pouring down rain, he listened to the weather report for a few moments.
It was supposed to rain all day so he decided to call it off.
He went back in the house, into his bedroom, undressed, and laid next to his wife.

"What terrible weather today, honey." he said to her.

"Yes", she replied as she snuggled up to him.
"And my idiot husband went fishing!"

[~~Snakeman~~]

Good ol' Loxahatchee boy catches fish ever' time he goes to Lake Okeechobee..always comes back with a bunch. His neighbor, a Game Warden, asks if he could join him one day. They set it up for the following Saturday. They're out on the lake, & Good Ol' Boy stops the Evinrude & reaches under the seat, grabs a stick of TNT, lights the fuse, drops it over the side, & then proceeds to net fish with a big dip net.

His neighbor starts in on him about how illegal that is, & how he'll have to arrest him. Good Ol' Boy reaches back under the seat, brings out a stick, lights the fuse, hands it to the Warden, & sez: "You gonna run yo mouf, or you gonna fish?"

Y'all have a good weekend, now, y'hear? ~~Greg~~

[JD]

I apologize up front -

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a southerner [but certainly not a redneck!], a New Englander, and a Californian), an Argentinian, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uraguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canuck, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, a Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahamanian, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Taiwanese, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 47-53 Africans walk into a fine restaurant.

“I’m sorry,” said the snooty maître d’, “but you can’t come in here without a Thai.”

oh well:

A man speaking only Spanish walks into a clothing store. He goes up to a salesman and points down at his leg. The salesman brings out some pants. The man shakes his head.

“No es esso”, and he points to his foot.

The salesman brings out some shoes. The man shakes his head again.

“No es esso”, and points to his ankles.

The salesman brings out some socks, and the man nods.

“Esso si que es!”

The salsman responds, “If you could spell it why didn’t you do that in the first place?”

[Howard/Jax]

JD, there can be no doubt that heat spell has gotten you;) :D

[JD]

It's cabin fever Howard. Terrible stuff :) I have dry ground out past the dock :( 4' down and going.

After a two day respite, were back in the 105-110 days. Gonna run out of bad jokes soon......

[Howard/Jax]

I can not even imagine. We have had at least 90º as the high at least for the last 2 weeks straight, but we have had some rain. Still way down from average rain, but at least some.

Hope you get a break soon.

[Mont]

Lake Houston is so low, it's gotten past dried ground beyond the docks. They are mowing it. In fact, they are draining Lake Conroe to refill Lake Houston because the city water intakes are just about to be above water.

[Lost Shaker]

Just had my uncle from Houston up for a visit. He ran around in our wet mid 50's weather in shorts.........he said he was just beginning to cool off after a week.

[JD]

I can understand uncle reveling in that cool air Lost :)

It has been said that, in Texas, if it's green mow it. Mont's pic shows that spirit. However, I'm going to have get a 1/2 acre of sod first :eek:

990

991

992

993

[Mont]

are y'all allowed to do any dredging in that lake, Dan? There's a limit down here in the salt, but my brother had enough done to get his in and out at low tides. That tide however, is a little below even winter tides around here. :) You are welcome to come get by kayak (it even has an electric motor) if you get tired of being stranded.

[SpeckTackler]

It is so bad here the cedar trees are dying .The deer are drinking about ten gallons of water a day here.The spiders, fire ants are gone,but the dang scorpioning are doing fine.The feral hogs are digging up my sprinkler system trying to get to the water.It is going to take years for the wildlife to come back.

[JD]

Mont - We can dredge but it's a pain and expensive as the spoil can't be dumped in the lake. It has to be hauled away.

The guy who drove the steel did dredge it but only the open (stern) end so the cradle grounds out at the bow and hangs me up even when the stern is deep enough to float. I told the contractor I wanted the dredger to finish the job properly.

But then the dredge barge turned over up near Rt 66 and his backhoe is still sitting in 20' of water. To get another dude in here would run $5-$10k. If I retire here then I'll pay to have it done. Else, it can stay like it is as most lake-size boats don't have the draft and would do just fine with the lake down about 3'. In normal years it only drops 1.5'.

I did hear we're in for another la nina year (they tend to come in pairs) so it may be a while before I can get out.

Rusty - sounds like you have a natural setup for a hog hunt ;)