Oldie but goodie

[JD]

Got this from a friend today:

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Canadian man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties.

'We're sorry sir, but we have some information about your wife,' said one Mounties.

'Tell me! Did you find her?' the anguished husband sobbed.

The Mounties looked at each other. One said, 'We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?'

Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said, 'Give me the bad news first.'

The Mountie said, 'I'm sorry to tell you, Sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay.'

'Oh my God!' exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, 'What's the good news?'

The Mountie continued, 'When we pulled her up, she had twelve 25 lb snow crabs & 6 good-size lobsters clinging to her.'

Stunned, the husband demanded, 'If that's the good news, what's the great news?'

The Mountie said, 'we’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow!'

[SpeckTackler]

Good one JD.Here is another.

Are you a Democrat, Republican, or Texan?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the
corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the
knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Glock 40 caliber, and you are an expert shot. You have
mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?






Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his
hand? What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this
send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would h e be content just to wound
me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he
was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day, and make this happier,
healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few
days and try to come to a consensus.





Republican's Answer:


BANG!






Texan's Answer:


BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! Click

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or
Hollow Points?"

Son: "Can I shoot the next one!??!"

Wife: "You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist

[Eddie]

I have plenty of 155-grain and 165-grain JHP .40 stashed away. So far, no terrorist has had the temerity to attempt to attack me.