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Howard/Jax
02-09-2008, 11:47 AM
Will I Live To Be 80?



I recently turned 71 and had to choose a new primary care physician for my Medicare program.

After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I will live to be 80?"

He asked: "Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?"

"Oh no," I replied. "I don't do drugs, either."

"Do you have many friends and entertain frequently?"

"I said, "No, I usually stay home and keep to myself".

"Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

I said, "No, my other doctor said that all red meat is unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"

"No, I don't, I do fish some" I said.

"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"

"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."



He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a shit?:confused:

Have to give credit for this to Zane....

Zane
02-09-2008, 12:06 PM
"True Friendship"

Enough of that Sissy Crap!

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems

That always sound good,

But never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises

That actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cutesy

Little smiley faces on this card -

Just the stone cold truth

Of our great friendship.



1. When you are sad -- I will

Help you get drunk and plot revenge

Against the sorry bastard who made you sad.


2. When you are blue -- I will

Try to dislodge whatever is choking you.


3. When you smile -- I will

Know you are plotting something

That I must be involved in.


4. When you are scared -- I will

Rag on you about it every chance I get.


5. When you are worried -- I will

Tell you horrible stories about

How much worse it could be,

Until you quit whining.


6. When you are confused -- I will

Use little words.


7. When you are sick -- I will

Tell you to stay the hell away from me

Until you are well again.

I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will

Point and laugh at your clumsy ass.



This is my oath....

I pledge it to the end.

"Why?" you may ask.

"Because you're my friend!"





Friendship is like

Peeing your pants:

Everyone can see it,

But only you can

Feel the true warmth.

Bryan/BC
02-09-2008, 08:19 PM
This is my oath....

I pledge it to the end.

"Why?" you may ask.

"Because you're my friend!"



Awwwww- thats a nice!!! Now about that loan...:D

Joe/GA
02-11-2008, 07:25 AM
Zane, that brought a tear to my eye! :p

Jesse
02-11-2008, 08:11 PM
Absolutely touching - Thanks.

I'm all choked up (don't try to dislodge it though).

I'm trying to gain the years.

Howard/Jax
02-13-2008, 09:41 AM
Jesse, don't try to gain them, just let them happen. :)